Everything Gone

I am just trying to fill up a white blank space right in front of me. There’s not much to tell you about my thoughts and my life right now. I am technically saturated right now with so much information in my head to the point that my brain had become a full-blown sui generis in a matter of months. With all the legalese, I hope not to tell anybody I come across tomorrow, a caveat, that I don’t mince words right now. All I think now is that there’s a storm yesterday and downpour tomorrow.

It is late, 20 minutes past 10 o’clock in the evening. I am tapping on the keyboard, still staring on the computer screen, the blank space slowly taking form. I am annoyed by the kid standing at my left side coaching his friend mouthing words I don’t understand. Their group had just left and I am alone now in the shop. Chairs empty, static computer screens, the breathe of the CPU is silence.

The inflation has been soaring wildly says the news. The President ignoring the latest survey showing that most of her constituents hate her, more than they hate the past two despots. Students are on the streets lately in protest of the rising costs of everything and the apparent misdeeds of the government. My sympathy is with them. I too, want to join street protests if I have the luxury to indulge. Sorry for the word. To me, time is diamond in these difficult times. Even the lowly mangangalakal would tell you that there is so much in the garbage right now and he won’t miss the chance and let others take the loot. Even the child at bombero would tell you that shining shoes for the indifferent passengers in jeepneys stopping along PhilSci is the heart of the matter. What do I mean by this? Well, it’s so simple the poor is chained with time, they could not do the clamor.

I had my chance to join street protests back in college. The one I joined which benefited me directly was the call for the abolishment of ROTC. Bleh. What is needed to spur up the enthusiasm of the people to flood the streets and barge into the gates of Malacanang to demand what is just I don’t know. Few and few people are joining rallies maybe because there won’t be any result anyway. And that is painfully true. Who would the poor people turn to in these times, where soup kitchen is so much an important event than, say, a rally. That the President and every politician in the country are demons being a factoid doesn’t anymore bring about constant harangues. People are sick and tired; and they still have work to do for them to end the day with eyes open, pulse beating.

Are the Filipino people too helpless? So I ask. Class D and E doesn’t require any such question anymore. Class B and C, not too much. But is it really a matter of socioeconomic classes, so I ask again. Filipino refers to every natural-born whether he belongs to any of such classes. But, where’s the unified Filipino spirit? Gone?

How could we pounce on the government if there’s no unity in our actions as a people? But who will lead us? There’s got to be a leader. Help me on this, but have you identified any? Where are leaders produced? Someone says in UP. The so-called pillar of leadership. But where are they? Someone says they joined forces with the government. Another one says they’re too busy attending to the centennial celebrations. My gawd! The First Quarter Storm days gone? Gone, gone, gone.

Everything gone. . .Please UP Bangon! Hindi ka lang pang UAAP!

My sanity, please be with me.

Forum for Filipino Bloggers

Ebloggers.ph, Forums for Filipino Bloggers

Ebloggers.ph, a blogger forum catering to the Filipino bloggers community has just become open for memberships on the 3rd day of July 2008. Everything about ebloggers.ph is designed especially for the fast-paced lifestyle of the Filipino blogger. A quick visit to the forum followed by an equally hassle free registration process gives every member a chance to enter a significant and highly-interactive yet comfortable world of Filipino web writing enthusiasts.

This fresh new forum by Mr. Joedel Sanvictores is the sanctuary of Filipino bloggers who aim to create and maintain networks within the Filipino blogger's community with zero difficulty. Not only can members easily link up and gain access to the blogs of other members of the forum, they may also publicize their own blogs or help in promoting the blogs of the other members. This makes endorsing the blogs a lot easier and even mutually favorable for all involved. Anyone within the forum is allowed to announce updates regarding his blog; aside from that, posts putting forward the latest entries and other news are constantly available to keep all members informed.

Another perk offered by joining the forum that would positively stir up the interest of countless bloggers is that ebloggers.ph contains several threads and topics focused exclusively on teaching bloggers how to earn money through their blogs. Opportunities are made available for members who wish to make money from blog entries such as film and music reviews and about other topics of interest.

Interested Filipino web users who have not yet tried blogging are also invited to join the forum. This forum provides blogging tutorials. Not only that, all members of the forum are free to impart useful tips and to share their knowledge on blogging to first timers.


--
http://JoedelSanvictores.com/ in Real Life!

To Slay the Dragon

Therapied. If there's such a word. I'm back determined to slay the dragon. Life's too short for me to make it shorter.


"A Prayer"
(by Max Ehrmann)



Let me do my work each day; and if the darkened hours of despair
overcome me, may I not forget the strength that comforted me
in the desolation of other times.

May I still remember the bright hours that found me walking over
the silent hills of my childhood, or dreaming on the margin of a quiet
river, when a light glowed within me, and I promised my early God
to have courage amid the tempests of the changing years.

Spare me from bitterness and from the sharp passions of unguarded
moments. May I not forget that poverty and riches are of the spirit.
Though the world knows me not, may my thoughts and actions be
such as shall keep me friendly with myself.

Lift up my eyes from the earth, and let me not forget the uses of the
stars. Forbid that I should judge others lest I condemn myself.
Let me not follow the clamor of the world, but walk calmly in my
path.

Give me a few friends who will love me for what I am; and keep ever
burning before my vagrant steps the kindly light of hope.

And though age and infirmity overtake me, and I come not within
sight of the castle of my dreams, teach me still to be thankful for
life, and for time's olden memories that are good and sweet; and
may the evening's twilight find me gentle still.

Leaving you,

Tracing footsteps once left. Will say goodbye to you for now to find something. Thank you for following me. Sorry to leave you behind. . .

Tribute to you for being with me in those times. . .

Till then.

Kill-me-Croon

I took the train one Monday night never minding the flood of people joining in the rush. It was drizzling outside as crisp charges of light illuminate the dark sky. It was no cold to be out there that night. The city remained as it was . . . hot weather, bawling cars, infinite chatter. James Blunt's concert was at 8 pm at the Coliseum. I left home temporarily for this one. Left my books half-open, room's partially lit, the scent of sadness enveloping the room locked behind closed doors.

I was happy for a moment to hear hymns for lost souls played live. James Blunt made me feel better for a while. As I sat there at a dark spot where darkness seethed, the music entered my nerves and broke me into pieces. The atomized pieces of me were like the scene from the street few minutes before the rain: garland of yellow scallops falling gently into the air as small birds swoop into the descending petals; the birds trying to catch and save it from gravity.

James Blunt sang as if he was once in the hollows of the earth and that he knew everything. . .his music conveyed and crossed, probably, all human emotions. He wailed, laughed, made eccentric things like banging his head while playing the piano and erratic waltzing while strumming the guitar. He sang my favorite “I’ll take everything” like there’s no tomorrow. . .extending his left arm pointing to the vacuum in everyone’s spirit as he mellowed through the line in the chorus.

James Blunt made my night. It was a once in a lifetime experience to see him sing live at the Coliseum and to see myself mirrored before his songs. . .before everyone in the nameless crowd trying to digest a sad truth before us: that music is passion. . .and that passion couldn’t always come as easy with one’s life like in music and in any other art.

Losing strangeness, taking pains

The storm yesterday left as quickly as a transient tourist. The strong winds blew off roofs, branches and leaves of trees, and more leaves for minutes then the wind dissipated. Fresh leaves blanketed roads and pathways as if it was deliberately done, unfortuitously, created by some art maniac installing a 3d art. Left the house at about 3 o'clock to buy lunch and upon seeing the swarm of wet litter a passing thought kicked up a rumpus in my mind.

Summer has ended once more and it's the start of the rainy season. The transition's really too fast leaving no traces to remember that yesterday's only summer. It's been a month since I arrived here in my new home as a stranger. The place has been very hospitable to me that a month's adjustment didn't even get a bruise out of the cynic in me. There's this new friend a 5-year-old. His name is James, the grandson of my landlord who frequently visits my flat in 'unusual' moments. He would barge in my room without me knowing it. He would come as if he knew me a long time ago and happy to know that finally he'd met me again. The boy would climb up to me, never taking any apprehension of disturbing my reading sessions, he would try to sit on my lap. The last time he visited he was so enthusiastic about another horror story from me. He would listen with so much intent but would always be terrified in the end asking me to cut the story short. And that would always make me laugh.

He would ease moments of pain which I've been frequently succumbing into.

Many successful Bar passers are telling that you should leave all your baggages whatever they may be when you jump into your review, for you not to lose focus. I have tried to leave all those baggages behind. Sadly, they've been here with me all along. . .haunting me like ghosts in the night. It's been a struggle for me the past few weeks to take control and to force my nose in a book. It's been an overwhelming emotional battle which left me thinking very deep into the pitch-black well of my past. And that the logical becomes rather an elusive and restraining issue for me now is inexplainable. At some moments I take a pause in studying and look far beyond my vision's reach and ask myself who I am, where I am.

Am I losing this battle? Will I be able to halt and reverse this downward spiral?

There are times when I want to take on a job for some kind of diversion, but that too would necessarily divert me from my review. It's my dilemma lately. . .losing at both ends.. .

Yes, my friend, I've been struggling. I'll try my best not be knocked off by these emotions. I'll try my best to survive even if it means more wounds, more scars to bear. . . This is torment in its purest form. The defining element and storyline of this boy's life.

Remains of the Day

For you, moonlight

May 9th, 6:15 am

the remains of the day gently flowed within my longing heart
assuaging the loneliness caused by your absence
your beauty mirrored upon my mind
every minute, every second that passes
you will always be here locked in the warmth of my spirit, the essence my being
the sweetness of your voice, the scent of your body will be carried by the wind that will always reach me here on my bed as i wake up like before
longing to feel you next to me
our body and soul intertwined in a beautiful morning
the wind will reach me here on my bed
as i wake up hoping to hear it whisper that you will be there waiting for me even if it means forever